Just over here thinking about how happy my husband must be to be married to me.

Yea, he’s one very fortunate guy.

And I too feel so grateful and fortunate to be in love with him and to be loved by him! We’ve been together since high school and we have so much love for one another. And this life we’re building together that has required so much of our own individual growth. But i want to chat a bit about it here and that’s physical intimacy…specifically “doing it”.

 We’ve been together for nearly 20 years and one of the things that folks warn you about when you’ve been in an intimate partner relationship for a while is that things will get boring in the bedroom or wherever you do your thing. And while that may be true for a lot of folks i also don’t think it has to be this way. I think we get super comfortable and that we don’t always put in our best effort because we’re comfortable and because we’re tired.

 Y’all the way we used to vibe in the bedroom before kids and now are not the same bc we don’t have the same mental space or energy—we’re busier and have more responsibilities. But that doesn’t mean our bedroom time is suffering or lacking it also means we’ve gotta communicate and adjust our expectations accordingly. It also means we have to work to stay open and honest with one another about our needs and be willing to meet one another where we are and go forward together.

Whatever folks say about marriages or intimate partner relationships getting boring or losing their spark doesn’t have to be your narrative.

But it will take work to keep the relationship healthy and thriving.

Something that works for us is we communicate about our bedroom time, we talk about what we want, what we liked or didn’t like and we talk about new things to try. Like last night, i tried some new moves that will now be my staple moves to get whatever i want. I actually already do but this will be extra reinforcement. Hehehe.

There’s no way you can pursue a healthy relationship if you’re unwilling to grow and evolve and to help your partner do the same.

So I’d like to share a tip that helps our marriage stay strong:

Stay curious

Sometimes when you’re in a long term relationship it’s easy to assume you know all there is to know or should know about a person. Yet this is how we miss out on truly connecting with one another and it’s how we get stuck with seeing someone as who they were vs who they are becoming.

Sometimes when you’re with someone for a long it’s easy to take them for granted or to bypass the ways they’re growing and evolving.

So by staying curious we can stay connected and engaged with one another.

It’s how we better understand what one another needs and how we can support and encourage one another.

Here are some questions you can ask your partner to encourage connection:

1. What makes you feel most loved by me?

2. What is something that makes you feel supported by me?

3. What are some ways you enjoy relaxing?

4. Tell me about your dream day…what would you be doing and how would you be feeling?

5. What is something about yourself you love and how can i support you in embracing that?

I challenge you to ask your partner at least one of these questions today—stay curious & connected.