Let’s stop Romanticising motherhood

Mar 11

Raising children is hard work. And with our society, it’s even harder because we don’t have the infrastructure and support systems we need to thrive. No, I don’t enjoy every moment. Nor do I enjoy every moment of anything. That’s toxic positivity and an unrealistic expectation to place on anything, especially motherhood. I love my children and raising them is hard work. Let’s normalize the full scope of what motherhood entails.

I am so thankful to be their mom.

I love them so much!

Yet I’m often overwhelmed by the exhausting care-taking role that motherhood requires. The exhaustion has been exasperated during the pandemic & I don’t think we’re acknowledging or even giving ourselves enough space to process the multiple ways in which the pandemic is affecting us.

Through this pandemic, I’ve been reminded of how much I did not actually enjoy being a stay-at-home mom (that title is ridiculous btw) but that I enjoy having time to myself to do work & just be me, while they were away at school.

My babies were home w/ me full-time until they went to school & while I am grateful for the opportunity to care for them in the way that I did when they were home full-time, I also know that I did it because I felt like that’s what a good mother was supposed to do.

I now feel much differently about motherhood and what it actually means to be a good mother to my children.

I carried a lot of guilt & shame about how much I didn’t enjoy it. I used to compare myself to other moms all the time & wonder what was wrong with me? Why didn’t this feel like the best time of my life like it seemed to feel for them?

But I later realized that I get to define & decide what motherhood means for me and my family—not anyone else, especially not white culture parenting.

I remember this white lady telling me that I didn’t need to focus on working but that I should only focus on raising my kids. And maybe that works for some folks, but it didn’t & doesn’t work for me.

I don’t see motherhood as my sole purpose in life.

It’s a big part of my life but it’s not all of it.

I don’t see my children as my greatest accomplishment bc I don’t see them as a summation of me or this project that I’m tasked to carry out. Yes they are a reflection of me and they are certainly shaped by their environments, but there’s more to it than this. They are whole human beings—they are not extensions of us. Operating under this belief comes from white culture parenting.